Irritated today. Went to the doc yesterday to see about getting a prescription for Xanax. The Doc (actually a physician's assistant, I think) was hesitant to give me that med, because she said it was addictive, so she gave me a script for Hydroxyzine Hcl, which apparently is an antihistamine that also works for anti-anxiety. I wasn't happy about it, but said I'd try it out. Got home that night, took one around 7p, and by 8:30p was out cold on the couch. I woke up & struggled to bed, and slept until 5a. Woke up for about 5 minutes, fell back asleep until 8a & struggled (again) to get up. Two big cups of coffee before work, and I was still foggy & kind of "out of it" all day (not to mention really irritable). As soon as I heard it was an antihistamine, I knew it was going to knock me out, but still, I caved in to giving it a shot. I'm going to try it a couple more times, but if the same shit happens, I'm calling her up & asking for something else.
Was looking forward to seeing Meg_D at a local bar tonight (she was debuting a new song!), so after another couple cups of coffee (and finally starting to feel "with it" again) I got on the cycle & headed out, only to notice something wrong with the bike after about a couple miles. It was steering very sluggishly. At the ATM, I stopped to check it out & found that my front tire was going flat! I barely made it four blocks to the gas station, then I filled the tire up to 45 PSI, jumped on & road out as quick as I could, trying to make it home before it went flat. Figures, the route I took back had a fucking detour! I got around it, but by the time I made it home (maybe five minutes or so) it was almost flat again & a pain in the ass to steer. As I backed it into the garage, I watched the tire & I found the problem - at some point tonight, I ran over a screw. It was right in the center of the tire. What sucks is, I just put a new inner tube in that tire maybe a few months ago. I hope they'll pick it up without charging me...
Oh, and I'm not in the band anymore. My choice, really, but I'll explain later. I don't have the mental energy for it tonight. I'm really discouraged about this medication. I just want something to work, to change this negativity that's always with me. I don't know how much more I can do, or how many more meds I can try before giving up on the idea of things ever getting better.
9:59 p.m. - 2012-09-20
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