After having a shitty kind of weekend, I got home from the bar Monday night, sat down at the computer & wrote "Fuck it, I'm done" on my facespace, then passed out on the couch. I woke up maybe a half hour later & went to bed, but when I got up in the morning, I remembered I wrote that, so I immediately went to delete it. Even though I did, it stuck with me. After sending texts to both Viv & GRJ & not hearing anything back from either, I realized that they had shit going on, and I shouldn't be relying on them for interaction.
So yesterday, I shut my phone off. I turn it on twice a day to see if there's any big emergency, but that's it. Didn't matter, I didn't get any texts/voicemails anyway. So I'm sitting at home last night watching boxing on tv, drinking my 2nd beer of the night (because that's what I do when I'm having issues, I guess), when I decided I needed to get off my ass & do something. I finished my beer, got up & took a caffiene pill, then put on my running gear. Sat around for a few, drinking some water & waiting for the caffeine to kick in, then about 10:30p, I went for a run. I barely could make it two blocks without walking, but I didn't stop. In fact, after the first couple times walking, I started to feel pretty good. I finally made it through a mile, and wehn I got home, I di9dn't feel like stopping, so I got my mountain bike out & went for a ride. I didn't have a route in mind, I just went where I felt like going - it was a beautiful night for a ride, and it reminded me of the late-night rides I used to take years ago.
When I got home, I mapped out my route & found that I'd gone about 4 miles, which isn't too bad after my first run in months. I don't know if I'll be abel to run tonight, because my legs are pretty sore/tired, but I'm going to try to go for a ride again after it gets dark. I'm liking not talking to people - I even wrote my ma to tell her I was going to be keeping to myself for a while (which is something I never do; usually I just go AWOL without telling anyone). I haven't decided yet if I'm going to the H3x B0mbs show this Saturday yet - I haven't seen them in months & I want to support them, but I don't know if I really want to deal with people. I'm kind of in a "people suck, they can all piss off!", an "I don't need anyone, I'll get by on my own, damnit!", a "friends? who needs fuckin' friends!?" type mood.
Honestly? That's all I feel like writing right now...
11:26 a.m. - 2012-06-20
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