One good thing about quitting caffeine is that, for the first time in ages, I woke up this morning and realized I hadn't been grinding my teeth. I've been doing this for a while now (dentist commented on it my last two visits). Also, I'm just starting to feel a bit better in the mornings, which is good. I've also made it through the first few hours without having to take any ibuprofen (so far, anyway).
Had an appointment with my psychiatrist Wednesday, and one of the topics we discussed was my nerves, specifically about the open mic night, how hard it was for me to play/remember things, my face being flush, my hands shaking a bit, etc. That lead to a general discussion about my ability to socialize as relates to dating. I'd told him that, for example, I could be out at a bar, see a group of friends, maybe a woman or two to whom I'm attracted, and if I've had a few drinks, I'd be able to go over & talk with them, even talk with the cute girls, but in the same situation, with the same friends/people, if I hadn't anything to drink, I'd never even approach them. I guess it's an anxiety issue - anyway, I mentioned that a friend had suggested the next open mic I did, I should try a Zanax & see if it would mellow me out a bit, kind of "get me out of my way" so to speak, so I wasn't so self-conscious. I told him I'd considered it, and he actually thought it might be a good idea, as long as I was selectively using it in specific situations rather than on a daily basis, due to the possible addiction issues. We'd talked about my fear of karaoke singing & how I just decided to get over that by doing it until I was comfortable, and how I'd made the decision to try the same thing for the open mic stuff, and he suggested that maybe the Zanax could help condition/desensitize me regarding my interactions with women I find attractive. Seriously, it's freakin' stupid - in person, with people I don't know, I can talk to pretty much anyone, unless I think they're cute. The second that thought comes to mind, I clam right up, I do my best to avoid paying too much attention to them, etc. It's really dumb. Even with a few drinks in me, I'm hesitant. Of course, once I get more than a few in me, I'll pretty much talk to/flirt with any woman, which can be quite bad too.
I had band practice last night, and it was kind of stupid. Well, first off, JP called me around 19:30 to say that JRP was on his way, that they had some filming to do, and that they'd be ready for me between 20:00-20:20. I had the a/c guy over at the time, so when he left, I called JP back & left a message that I'd be there closer to 20:30. Apparently, JP doesn't know how to check his voicemail, because he called me two more times to find out where I was, and to sort of scold me about not letting them know if I wasn't going to show up. This kind of pissed me off right away, because I had called him, and I was on (my) schedule. Anyway, when I got there, he apologized and told me he listened to my message after he called. Whatever, dude... ok, fine. So, I go downstairs, tune up (takes me all of five minutes) and then he says, "We're going to film footage for a video!" As I mentioned before, he records everything we do, but this was different - this time, he was filming 3D footage of each person independently, so the first thing I had to do was play along with a recording and try my best to be "active"/move around while playing. I dislike being a focal point, so I was a little irritated/self-conscious, but I did it and I think it was ok. Then, we had to do approximately seven to eight takes of the chorus, because he had this idea for some weird kind of stop-motion effect for the video. We spent the first half hour of practice shooting video - that's not practice, that's production, and it's kind of bugging me. Anyway, we got past that and finally got to working out our third set list. It's coming along nicely - I've got a good feel for 80% of the songs, and next week, we're supposed to work on the ones with which I'm not so comfortable. If we can get all of those down, my hope is that the guys will start booking some shows. I'm trying my utmost to be patient with the situation, because I really do like their music, I think they're really talented, and I'd like to see us get back out there & make something of all this. Not only that, but on a personal note, I'd like to get out so that other bands can see me play, in the hopes that someone else might be interested in having me play with them as well.
Oh, and I got a haircut yesterday. It's somewhat short, but when I left the salon last night, it had a groovy kind of 60's vibe to it. I need to try to style it tonight & see how it looks with my glasses. I decided to get it cut shorter so I could ride the cycle without needing to wear a hat, but an added bonus it that it's easy enough to work with now, that I didn't need to wear a hat to work today either! :-P
10:31 a.m. - 2012-05-04
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