So Viv got back into town a couple weekends ago(?), and started her new job that Monday. She found an apt. right up the road from me (neither of us realized- it's maybe 1.5-2 miles away) and we've been hanging out a bit since she arrived. I think we've gotten together maybe 3-4 times to get some food/have a beer or two, one night we watched a movie at my place. I kind of feel bad for her, because she moved up here in such a hurry, she didn't take the time to save up enough cash to get her stuff here. It's stored at a u-haul place down south for now, and she's living in this apt. with her pup, a card/folding table & 2 chairs, a little tv, and a lamp. She's even sleeping on the floor! She's supposed to get a couple paychecks this Friday, so at that point, she should be able to afford to have her stuff shipped up. I told her I'd help her get it from the u-haul place up here, to her apt, and help her move it in. She was so broke after the drive up here that she went down to donate plasma to get some spending cash. I've been careful to ask if she had enough money to go out, when we have, but I've usually gone ahead and bought her a couple drinks, or her share of the meal, etc. Once she gets paid, she said she's going to take me out for dinner, so that's cool.
I'm very conflicted right now about her. It's cool to have someone to hang out with, someone I know and am comfortable with. It also helps with the socializing, as I've been able to talk to a lot more people than I usually do when I go out on my own. (We even scope out women for each other! ^.^) We've flirted a bit, and to that end, we actually had a conversation on YIM last night about the fact that we're both single, and could we handle a physical-only relationship; if we were both open to it, what the issues would be, birth control issues, how we would handle things if one started dating, or even if it just started "not working" for one of us. The conversation went well, and we were both ok with the idea. I decided to go to karaoke last night & invited her out, so I picked her up & we went to have a couple drinks. It was very casual, just a couple of friends hanging out, pretty enjoyable. We had enough drinks to be relaxed but not stupid, and after bringing her home, I went up to her apt. for a bit. We made some small talk for a bit, but at some point, we decided to make out. God it was nice to actually kiss someone again, without the voices in the back of my head going "what does it mean!?" and so on. It was fun, and I did really enjoy myself, but there was a point where *something* just struck me. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but I got uncomfortable about it. I think, at some point the thought popped into my head that, even though she'd said earlier that she'd be cool with just a physical relationship, she was being misleading; that she had an ulterior motive, and really wanted to be back together, and was trying to lure me back into that. I made a point in our earlier discussion, to tell her I thought it would be a bad idea for us to date again, and I wouldn't do it. She seemed to understand/accept that, but who knows?
Basically, the issue I think I'm having is that there's a tiny little*something* somewhere telling me I shouldn't trust her. I wanted to explore that a bit, see how I felt about it after we'd gotten together a bit, but if I'm already having an issue, I think I'll just have to tell her, next time it comes up, that even though our little makeout session was fun, there was something about it that didn't feel right to me, and that I think we shouldn't take it any further. Hopefully, she'll be ok with that, respect that, and we can still hang out a bit. If not, that'll show me that I was right to be cautious.
It really is too bad though - I was really looking forward to getting laid again! lol ugh.
Ok, on to other, more mundane things...
1) I found out from a coworker who knows the people who own the bike shop, that the cute little sales girl I was crushing on is engaged, or at least very taken. I'm supposed to stop in tonight to try out the trainers, so I'll have to remember to look to see if she's wearing a ring. If not? Who knows, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
2) After telling me she really could do with someone to talk to, I haven't heard from the Joker once, not even a text. I'm pretty much over it, I'm not contacting her again. Not even sure I'll reply if she contacts me - kinda don't see the point.
3) I again deleted all of CC's emails, both the ones I sent, and her replies. I won't be contacting her again either, and I'm pretty much of the same opinion regarding replying to her if she contacts me - no point in it.
4) Not hearing from GRJ much either recently, so either things are going really well in her dating life, or she's a total wreck and just can't talk.
So, I don't know - either I'm just a big asshole, or they've all finally hit a point where they don't need a supportive person to fall back on. I hope that's the case, because it'd make me really happy to think they've found a good place in their lives. Now if I only could...
10:52 a.m. - 2012-01-30
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