Still haven't written back to CC, and I'm pretty sure I won't, at least until she writes me again. Her overplayed disappointment at having to miss my gig really turned me off a bit, and I don't really feel like talking to her. Having made that decision, I'm starting to see that maybe I need more time disconnected from her in order to get some perspective on this situation. With the exes with whom I'm still in contact, it took a good 6 months of zero communication before we started talking again, and that seemed to work pretty well. I do (as I know I've said so many times before - brokenrecordsezwut!?) want to keep a friendship with her if it's meant to happen, but I definitely think I'm still too close to this. I fell a lot further for her than I even realized, and I'm struggling with those feelings pretty much every day. I'm going to play it by ear, so to speak, but I'm fairly certain that I'm going to tell her as much, the next time we talk, and that I need more time, but that I want to see her before she leaves the state. I think that's my best internal compromise, so I guess I'll see how that goes.
As for how well (or not) I'm coping with this, I've been going out a *lot* more than I should; more than I even really want, but I don't have much in the way of coping skills, besides sleeping through shit, or drinking through it. I've been seeing more women around town that I find attractive, ones who are a lot more my style than I've seen in the past, and I've been hopeful that maybe I'll have a chance meeting with someone like that, which is one of the reasons I've gone out so much - well, that, balanced with the fact that talking about my feelings about CC never helps, and having a few drinks helps me to forget/not think about her for a while. I'm tired of it though, and I'm spending money I could be putting to better use at the new place.
Speaking of which, I got my paint colors for the living room & trim, and the bathroom. LR and upper stairwell are all primed, ready to paint, but the bathroom & hall need still need to be primed yet. Thinking of going over tonight after work & getting a first color coat on. I won't be able to get the bathroom done until the first weekend in June, as that's when my bro-in-law will be coming back to help me put down the ceramic tile, so it looks like it's going to be a bit still before I can move in. I'm getting impatient - I want to move already!
Now I feel like I'm just rambling, so I'll stop...
11:56 a.m. - 2011-05-16
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