This is really starting to affect me - I haven't had the motivation to lift weights for over a week. The only thing I could do this week was run, and only once, and honestly, I only did it because I felt like I deserved to be run into the ground. I ran until I literally couldn't run anymore; 7.1 miles. Part of me felt I deserved it, don't ask me why, because I don't know, but that's how I felt. I've also done nothing but go out drinking every night for the last week. I'm even thinking of going out tonight, because I'm feeling so alone.
I was supposed to meet the Joker this weekend, but I didn't feel like driving all the way over there to see her for just a couple hours, so I didn't. She never bothered to text or call me to see if I was coming over. Can't say I'm surprised, that's typically how it goes with her. No call from GRJ, No call/message from CC (until today). Got into an awkward discussion with an ex that brought me down even more, a few days ago. I'm debating starting up my depression meds again, but the only ones I still have, tend to make me feel a bit bipolar.
I've been stuck in the house most all day, aside from grocery shopping. I'm feeling very isolated, and I think I'm going to go out for drinks again. I know I shouldn't, but right now, I'm not sure I really care.
Oh, yeah, the mail from CC? Essentially, it said "hope you're hangin' in there."
That's it. I mean, really? Why even bother? This was sent fairly early this morning. I wrote back a few paragraphs right away, as I was online when it came in, and sent her a text a bit later saying she had email, but haven't heard from her all day.
I'm just getting so discouraged with everything...
10:06 p.m. - 2010-09-06
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