So, regarding CC, my thoughts on this situation are as follows...
1) I'm not impressed at all with the drastic change in communication levels, pre- and post-Friday. I think, at best, it's inconsiderate. It's also very frustrating for me, just one more thing that's up in the air in my life now.
2) I'm not impressed with her reaction to the news of a *possible* opportunity out of the area. I didn't even get a chance to explain that it could be anywhere from a week, to a month, to a year, before they (Germany) knew if they were going to hire someone. Her reaction makes me think that she's not willing to get involved with someone unless it's pretty much guaranteed to be something *very* long term. I mean, if that works for her, that's fine, but it's not my approach.
To me, nothing is guaranteed, and nothing can be planned for. You have to try your best to take life as it comes, accept the things that are, and not worry about what might be. I've always had trouble with that in the past, but have been working to get better at it. This "relationship" (or whatever it is/was) was a serious attempt on my part to do just that. I knew that she might not be around longer than a year, so that, in my eyes, was the longest I could reasonably count on. Of course, it could have been less, but I was willing to accept the thought of it not going further, and I felt it would still be worth the eventual pain of it ending.
You never know, one day to the next, whether the person you care for will still be around. Could be a car accident, could be a heart attack/stroke/whatever, could be a mugging/murder... I'm just feeling that if she can't accept that, if her first reaction is to push me away at even the *hint* that I might "go away", then why bother? Hell, even if I stayed here in town, I might "go away". Why should one method be worse/less acceptable than another?
I got a text from her today, finally, basically saying 'how are you, i've been busy, no time for fun' - that's it. Nothing about wanting to talk, nothing about wether she'd like to see me, or even if she might miss seeing me, as she worked so hard to find time to see me before all of this. I haven't texted her back yet. Usually, I do within a few minutes, but it's beenalmost two hours now. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm even going to reply today. Not sure what point there would be in it. Mentally, I'm to the point where the walls are back up; I don't think I'd miss talking with her, if we weren't to speak again. Obviously, it would be nice to be able to, because we did/do have a lot in common, but I don't think I'd sweat it much.
Unfortunately, I have a couple of packages for her that she had delivered to my place (mailman won't leave them at her place for safety reasons). I'm going to have to let her know by the weekend that I have them so I can get them to her, and I'm not looking forward to that. I'd much rather just let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak.
Anyway, I'm open to hearing your thoughts on this - other viewpoints may help me see something I'm missing right now!
11:15 a.m. - 2010-08-25
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