So having mentioned Germany again, CC's done exactly what I expected and withdrawn. I haven't seen her since Friday evening, and we've only exchanged maybe 3-4 texts (compared to between 5-10 a day before), and no email. The last email I sent basically said I'd be following her lead on things, but I didn't expect to be shut out so thoroughly. The few texts I've gotten seem to be pretty upbeat/happy, but it's text, so who knows. I'm getting to the point where I don't really know if I want to bother meeting up with her to talk things through, at this point. It would be different if I had some idea of her thoughts, even if she would just say she needed some space/time. So far, she's told me absolutely nothing, and that frustrates/irritates me. I've got enough "limbo" to deal with in my life now, and the lack of direction with her is really starting to take a toll on me. I decided this morning that I'm not going to contact her in any way until she gets in touch with me. If she doesn't after this weekend, I'm going to write her off, even as a friend (which makes me really bummed out).
I'm struggling against it now, but I can feel some of that depression energy sneaking up on me again. This is just one more lesson that's telling me I shouldn't bother trying for a relationship. I really think I'm just not meant for one. The trick now, I guess, is to try and figure out what the hell I'm going to do with a solitary life.
Check out this horoscope that was on my homepage this morning...
You probably have the urge to toss things away, even (or especially) stuff you've been emotionally attached to for some time. Don't stop yourself -- being surrounded by things that once belonged to someone who used to be close, or keeping reminders of your past just holds you back emotionally. Now is a good time for a new start. If you can't get rid of the old, you can't add anything new. You've got nothing but good times ahead once you make room for it all.
9:40 a.m. - 2010-08-24
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