So I've been waiting for a sign, of sorts, regarding whether I should look more to staying here & seeing what goes with this girl, or going to Germany for work. I talked with my german buddy & he said that, while he doesn't know exactly when they will be hiring, his company would most likely be interested in hiring me. he doesn't want to give them my resume, however, unless he knows I'm ready & willing to move. Knwoing they're fairly serious meant that I needed to talk with CC about the issue, to get her input/thoughts. I decided to bring it up the next time the opportunity presented itself naturally in conversation. (So far, it hasn't, and I haven't mentioned it yet.)
Last night, however, was the firs time I've seen anything negative about her (in my eyes). She's got some pretty deep emotional baggage (parental/father issues) and a personality quirk I'm not sure I can handle. When she gets upset/irritated, she gets really animated - bigger gestures, cursing; basically, what looks & comes across to me as anger. She says it's a remnant of the hometown she grew up in, and that they all were like that. Thing is, it seems very out-of-character from all of our interactions, that I kind of feel like, rather than this just being another facet of her personality, it might be how she really is, and the cool, calm facade is the "false front". What's funny is that just last week, we were talking about how right things seemed to be, and I joked about "Yeah, it's like I'm just waiting for your skin to peel back and for Satan to come screaming forth or something!" (Yes, I actually said that!) We both laughed about it, but now I wonder if I was somewhat right!? Anyway, I'm having some issues with this situation now. A big part of me is ready to "run", just avoid the whole thing, because the last thing I need/want is a bunch of drama - I have no patience/tolerance/constitution for it. I'm not really that invested in this thing yet, so it wouldn't be a big loss to me. (That sounds really poor, doesn't it!?) I know better than to run though, and I'm sure we'll be talking again today or tomorrow. At this point, I'm not sure what to talk about. I'm really not looking forward to another protracted discussion like we had last night. It was completeley draining, and never really ended with any kind of resolution. We exchanged a text each this morning, hers basically saying she didn't know she'd accrued sick leave, and fortunately got sent home, and my saying great, I hope it helps. That's it.
So, I'm really leaning towards pursuing the Germany thing, although I of course will give this a bit more time to see how things develop & whether I'm over-reacting. It did solidify a different decision for me though, and I'm going to move on that one in the next week or so. (Zen, I think I mentioned this to you? Yeah, not taking any chances.)
Oh, and get this - this was the horoscope I saw first thing this morning on my homepage. Coincidence?
All the thinking and pondering you've been going through should give way to some serious, objective decision-making. Your next big career move might suddenly become perfectly clear -- if so, jump on it right away. You could also get organized with something you've been pining for lately, like a fun plan with friends or a date. It's all up to you today, and your future is definitely in your hands.
11:19 a.m. - 2010-08-16
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