A note from Sassy made me think to expand a bit on this whole situation. (Thanks!) *waves at Sass*
There was a time when even *thinking* the phrase "friend zone" would have had me totally dejected and ready to give up. The cool thing about this entire situation is that for the first time in as long as I can remember, I just don't care. That sounds really bad, but it's actually really good. I'm not putting a lot of pressure on myself to make something happen, I'm not giving up and ignoring/avoiding things, I'm just "going with the flow", to turn a phrase, just being myself. The more I get to know her though, the more attracted I find myself. She's smart, well-educated, well-spoken, loves animals, is open to my goofy "tree-hugging" ways, and is honestly beautiful (in my "ideal" sense of the word). I would love for things to progress, and the last several times we've hung out, I've been watching for an opportunity to kiss her, like Sass suggested. (I'd *really* like to, but I want it to be a spontaneous, impulsive thing - any time I've tried to make it happen in the past, the results have been awkward. The best "first kisses" are always spontaneous, to me!)
On the other hand, I would be perfectly fine with things staying on a friendly level too. (For a while, at least.) I have no idea how long I'll be in town, let alone whether I'll even be staying in the country. I don't know what my job outlook is, I don't know what hers will be in a year when she's done with post-grad. Besides, I've already stated that I think I'm not supposed to be with someone, and having accepted that possibility puts me at ease with myself. It means my subconscious isn't making a big deal out of it, which leaves me very relaxed, calm, confident. These things can only help me, right!?
Anyway, right now, I'm just being my normal, helpful self, and trying my best to get to know her. She's made several steps towards including me in her life here, like wanting me to meet her dogs, and her horse, which is a very big thing for her, so I know that there's some form of acceptance/desire there from her. I know that she's always excited to hear from me and jumps at the chance to go out with me when I ask. (We even have a concert date two weeks from now, so she's looking ahead too!) She's even talked about buying her own motorcycle helmet sometime, so she can ride with me. (She doesn't like/trust the little half-helmets I have, they make her uncomfortable.)
So... this is a very comfortable situation for me right now and I'm feeling pretty positive. Things will be what they will be, and that suits me just fine!
9:00 p.m. - 2010-07-12
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