So, I have a pretty big internet crush (ok, infatuation) on a semi-famous web celebrity. I spent an hour, off & on today, watching her video blogs, and I noticed something. Not only is she beautiful, and charming, and funny, and cute, with her little mannerisms, but I find myself laughing, smiling, and feeling really good when I watch her; like, I actually feel happy. The moment I realized that, a thought struck me... with my dating track record, my uber-pickiness when it comes to the women I like, and the simple fact that there really aren't any women around here worth dating (meaning, none that are my type), it almost seems like I'd be better off if I were to just pretend I was in a long-distance relationship with her. I could watch her blog, smile and laugh with her, appreciate her beauty, her quirkiness, her overall "perfection" (to me), and nothing would ever happen to "ruin it". Maybe all I really need is the *thought* of a girlfriend to get me by, the false hope, if you will, that someone like her would actually be into someone like me. It's a double-edged sword, though, as thinking about her both makes me happy, and very sad and dejected at the same time. I just can't see any way in the world that I could meet someone like her, who would dig me just as much. I'd have better odds of being struck by lightning twice in the same day, in two different states,
I'd originally planned on going out tonight, but I'm too dejected to bother. I know the type of women that are "out there" tonight, - it's the same women as every other night in this stinkin' town. I'm just going to go to bed & try not to think about it anymore. I'm also going to send out positive vibes & wishes to the karmic gods (or what-have-you) that she's what I want, and if I can't have her, I'd like the closest approximation possible.
I don't ask for much, I just want what I want...
*sigh*
11:50 p.m. - 2010-06-27
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