So, I'm really burnt out, on a lot of things - but where to start...
So, girl 2 is really a strain on my nerves, in both a good & bad way. I haven't written back to her in a while, and I don't plan on it. Her last mail said she'd reply to "the rest of" my last mail when she got a chance. I know she's in the middle of moving, and I don't want to be pushy, and besides I'm kind of at the point where the excitement has worn off a bit. We'll see if it picks back up once she's in town & we get to hang out again. For now, I'm really not concerned if I talk to her again. Isn't that fickle of me!?
I went to my sis's this weekend & went to the club. I had hoped to meet up with the manager-guy for the job I applied to. Called him when I got into town and left him a message (I had written him a couple days before to see if he'd have time to grab a beer or something - he said he was working on his new house & might not have time) but never heard back from him. I'm beginning to accept that it's likely they won't be calling me for an interview. (This leads me to another topic to which I will return.) Anyway, I went to the club and had a reasonably ok time, but yet again, it wasn't that interesting. There was a bright spot in the evening though - one of the girls from my discussion board needed a ride home from the club, and was cool with my cycle, so I got to give her a lift home. It was maybe 30 min. out of my way, but it was a beautiful night (a little chilly though - as an aside, she had neglected to bring a jacket, so gentleman that I am, I let her wear mine... wasn't that sweet of me! lol ) She seems like a really sweet girl, and was pretty cute, so I enjoyed the ride quite a bit.
Next day (after getting home that night at 4am, then getting up at 9) I had some breakfasat & texted the Joker to see what was up. I ended up riding out to meet her at (what I soon found out was) her new b/f's place. I knew something was up, because this was the first time she *didn't* give me a hug. She seemed uncomfortable about it at first, so she didn't really offer much up. She said she was hungry, so we headed out for some breakfast. Once we sat down, I kind of gave her the go-ahead, and asked her "So, tell me about the new guy!". She perked right up & told me about how they met, the things they had in common, etc. Seemed pretty excited about it. Once she opened up about him, it seemed like a weight had been lifted a bit, and we talked a lot, even shared our breakfasts, snagging bites off each others' plates! Was good to catch up with her again like that.
It came to mind, several times that day, how, if things had been different, (as in, I lived closer to her) I would have asked her out a long time ago. As it is, I'm really glad she's found someone who seems to be cool, but I couldn't help feeling a bit sad about it. I really need to learn to accept singledom. The longer it goes on, the more certain I feel that it's meant to be this way. Is that giving up, or accepting reality? I feel a need to make peace with the idea that, while I may have friends, I'm going to grow old alone. I feel like it's really important that I accept this, for some reason. I'm a logical guy, and based on my track record, and the tendencies that crop up in my life, it stands to reason that it's going to be true. It's logical for it to be true. I have issues, and I don't believe in hiding things. I'm convinced that women somehow ascertian this, and write me off rather quickly. I'm not sure how, I'm not sure what those things might be, but somehow, I'm sure it's true. It's ok, though, whatever - I am who I am, and I'll have to live with it. What's mean to be will be, right?
Well, I'm thoroughly over writing anything more at this point! lol Guess I'll post this & come back later.
Oh, yeah, and I walked out of the end of band practice last week, because they guys were having an assinine argument over a conversation that I'd already tried to end twice. they kept at it, I said "fuck this" grabbed my shit & walked out. I might just skip this week, to teach them a bit of a lesson. Fucking immature little pricks!
11:02 p.m. - 2010-06-21
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