The Bad: I broke down and, after five months, had a few drinks last night. The funeral really messed me up, and I felt like I needed to go back to the old ways of dealing with shit. Although, I don't want it to sound like I went on a bender, I only had 4 drinks. I felt like ass this morning and didn't get out of bed until after noon.
The Good: 1) I've recovered really well - in fact, right now, I'm lifting weights, and even though I haven't done *any* exercise in 7 days, I'm doing surprisingly well with it! 2) I recognized and loathed that horrible morning-after feeling so much, it completely overrides any possible benefit to feeling inebriated the night before. 3) I have no interest in having another drink. I may, sometime in the future, try having a beer with dinner or something, but drinking explicitly to get drunk holds absolutely no interest to me.
The Ugly: ME!! hahahah....
Anyway, I'm feeling ok right now. I'm trying not to think about the job situation, and with the work i did this past week (paycheck-wise), I know that I have enough to at least make the next house payment without breaking into my savings. I'm going to try to give myself a firm date to either have a full-time job, or make the move & leave this house/place behind. I'm very nervous about it, but I don't see that I have a lot of choice in the matter.
On the other hand, a part of me is really excited to move, to start over. Maybe then I'll have some luck on the dating front.
10:24 p.m. - 2010-05-16
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