I'm so thankful that I didn't actually post the entry that I can only vaguely remember writing last night. I hadn't planned on going out last night, but my mom invited me to hang out with a group of her friends, and after a couple drinks, I decided that I might as well stay out, so I went to the karaoke bar (with a couple other stops thrown in beforehand). I had a really good time, met some new people, and generally was way more forward/outgoing than I usually am. Unfortunately, I was also more forward/outgoing than I'm now comfortable with.I sort of had an "audition" for singing in a band - got to talking to a guy & a girl who have a band, and might kind of be looking for someone for rythm guitar/vocal work. I'm really glad I was outgoing enough to talk with them about it, and even to sing something for them to hear, but I also know that I was three sheets to the wind, and there's no way I could have sounded any good. I *did* mention this to her, so who knows? I'm obviously not expecting anything, but I can count it as one more step towards coming out of my self-imposed shell.
I also happened to talk to the assistant dj, blondie, a couple times. The first few times were fine, but at the end of the night, (and I've no idea what my segue was) I ended up asking if she was single. There was a few-minute conversation about it, and though I can't recall all of it, I think I might have made her uncomfortable. Her band has a show this Friday, and I told her I'd be there for it. I feel like I've got to apologize, in case I *was* too forward, blame it on too much liquor, and hope that she thinks it was no big deal. At least, for a change, I actually said something, rather than pining from afar, right? Even if nothing comes from it, at least I successfully stepped out of my comfort zone, without feeling total embarrasssment the next day! (slight embarrassment, yes - total? no!)
Also, I apparently lost three hours last night. i mentioned writing an entry last night - I got on the computer this morning and it was locked up, wouldn't even show the desktop. I restarted it, and everything was gone, so I went to my typical websites to see if I posted anything stupid. I hadn't, but I did find a post from my on one site, that was made at 6am!? WTF!? I also left the tv on all night, so the only thing I can figure is that I fell asleep at the computer sometime after having gotten home between 2:30-3am, woke up around 5:30, kept surfing (because I remember looking through this particular thread before posting) went to bed without setting my alarm, and ended up being late for work today. fortunately, nobody keeps tabs on me, so I can just work late to make up the time.
Anyway, I'm trying my hardest to not let myself feel foolish for my atypical drunken behavior. Normally by now I feel like an idiot, and tell myself not to show my face around for a while. I hope that doesn't happen this time. I also hope I can eventually learn to be outgoing on my own, without drinking - I really don't like getting drunk, but right now, it's my only release.
I also hope I didn't make more of an ass of myself than I remember. That would really suck, although it might finally convince me to give it up.
11:17 a.m. - 2009-10-22
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