I really should write about my date, but I'm not really sure what to say, so I'll just ramble a bit & see what comes out...
She's nice, and attractive, and we get on well (we chatted for 1.5 hrs on our date), but for some reason, I'm somewhat nonplussed. Maybe I'm just being cautious, maybe I'm a bit jaded, but I really want to be excited about meeting/seeing someone, and that's just not the case here.
To be fair, the more we talk, the more we may open up & that could change my outlook? In the past though, I've had a tendency to reciprocate feelings for someone simply because they were interested in me (which almost never happens). I need to be sure I don't fall into that again, but I also need to be sure I'm not pushing someone away who might be a good match.
As an aside, I went to DJ's 1st gig at a new location in his hometown (where my coffee shop friends live/work). He was excited to play there, as he & his family have a long history with the building & it's previous owners. It was originally a church, which was later converted into a playhouse, with a 200 seat theatre upstairs. His gig was in the main level though, which holds maybe 30 people max? The show went well, and he played all original pieces, which I prefer (he does a really good job on cover songs, but I like his originals much better).
Also (and this relates back to the dating thing), there was a younger, really tomboyish girl working there who kept making eyes at me & we kept smiling at each other. She reminded me a bit of Viv when we 1st met... anyway, the interest/excitement I felt about interacting with her is how I hope to feel with anyone I end up going out with. This adds to my hesitancy/uncertainty about the dating site gal. Now that I think about it, I wonder if my attraction to the girl at the playhouse & not the dating site gal is just me being a bit ageist, or if maybe it's more related to presentation/identity/perceived sexual orientation? One of the things I liked about Viv was her tendency towards androgyny (well, as much as a curvy girl can), and her pan-sexuality. There was no stereotypical gender roles/attitudes, and no jealousy/insecurity about attraction to others, which I found really refreshing. The dating site gal (I need to come up with a nickname for her eventually!) seems to be very hetero-normative, which, while perfectly fine, leaves me feeling a bit... 'meh'.
Anyway, I texted DSGD (dating site gal + 1st initial!) yesterday to check in with her & ask if she'd be interested in getting together again at some point. She said she was (with a smiley-face added!), but that her schedule is a bit hectic this month, and that Wed. are currently the only day she has free evening time & would I mind driving up again? I'd asked if we could meet a bit earlier, as last time I got to bed a little late, and she said she isn't working on the 26th, so I think tentatively we're planning on that. I'm supposed to text her back tomorrow to confirm, so I guess we'll see how the next interaction goes, right? I hope I start to feel a bit more positivity about her...
8:28 a.m. - 2022-10-16
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