A couple of weeks ago, Jenn from the well posted on facespace that a mutual friend had passed away suddenly. He was almost always smiling, a really good, nice guy. We weren't really close, but close enough that we'd hug & catch up a bit whenever we ran into each other.
From what I remember, she said it was some sort of acute liver failure? I don't know if he had a history of it, or if he simply drank too much? I know he'd had some mental issues/traumas, but I wasn't aware of anything recently. I think he'd just turned 30...
I'm only mentioning this this because I got a message tonight from A (with whom I haven't had contact in months), asking how I was, and whether I knew tonight was the 'celebration of life' for our mutual friend, and that it was up at the well, and likely going all night. I told her I'd try to make it but wasn't sure if I could & she reassured me it was no pressure, she just wanted to be sure I was aware it was tonight.
I got her text late (around 7:30p) & I feel a bit guilty about not going, but there's so much that makes me not want to go... Poor sleep and serious back issues the last couple nights, acknowledging the death of one so young (and being around that vibe in general - I've spent so many years in depression, I really don't want to face the sadness again). I also feel like maybe we weren't close-enough friends for me to go, like I'd be interfering with his actual friends' efforts to connect/reminisce, and that I'd feel out of place, especially considering I don't can't drink anymore. And, to be honest, I should've been in bed 30 minutes ago, or more.
I hope nobody there thinks I'm a jerk for not going, but I kind of think none of them (but 2) even remember who I am, so it's probably fine.
I do kind of feel like a jerk, though.
8:24 p.m. - 2022-09-12
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