I got a card in the post this weekend from my ma, wishing me a happy easter, with a hand-written message saying she loves & misses me. My 1st instinct was to think I should write to her, but then I paused; nothing has changed since I stopped contact. She's not acknowledged that she understands why, let alone apologized for her behavior, she's just trying (again) to pretend like nothing happened.
I'm also trying to figure out why she would send a card for that holiday? I'm not religious, haven't been since I was 16 or so, so why now? My dad checked out on easter (god, 32 years ago now?) but I don't think she remembers that, and even if she did, what would be the reasoning for that? It doesn't make any sense - the one thing that does make sense is that her family always celebrated easter (her parents, and my sister & her husband/kids). I would participate sometimes out of obligation, but they knew the holiday itself was meaningless to me. Anyway, I guess it's not something I can figure out through logic, so I'll stop trying.
I do feel bad, but there's really no way to reopen the communication lines without either being harsh & hurting her feelings more by having to explain, yet again, exactly what was/is unacceptable, or caving in & relenting on my drawn boundary & being upset with myself for doing so again. The last text I remember getting from her, about a month after I explicitly explained the issues, was (paraphrased) "I don't understand what's wrong".
Ugh. I've already spent too much mental energy on this, I'm burnt out. I'm going to ignore it for a while. If she tries again, or another family member does, maybe I'll address it then.
3:23 p.m. - 2022-04-18
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