Not sure why, but for some reason I decided to log into an old email account that I haven't checked in ages. It's the one I registered with for the goth discussion board, and after having checked it every week or so (then, once a month or so) for a couple years, I realized I never got any email there, so I stopped checking.
I had to do a double-take when I saw a new message (that wasn't some sort of spam) - it was from CC! The gist of it was that, as much as the universe sent little reminders of me to her over the last several years, since she'd recently moved, the reminders were getting stronger/more frequent, and she realized she wanted to reconnect. It had been sent 3 weeks ago, but obviously I hadn't seen it. I was tempted to reply right away, but resisted & gave myself some time to sit with it & figure out how I felt about the situation.
After talking with a good friend online about it, I realized that overall, I was pleased and wanted to try getting back in touch, to see how things might go now that I'm in a better state mentally (better than when we last communicated). She'd wanted to email, but in a somewhat unusual (for her) step, she also offered her cell # in case I was finally open to texting. The next day, I both replied to the email, and sent a text so we'd have each others' info. I got a very excited reply back saying how great it was to hear from me, which honestly, felt pretty good!
She's replied to my email and I now owe her a reply, but we've also sent a few texts each day as well. It's pretty nice to be able to connect with her with that kind of immediacy, rather than waiting for emails. Also, I feel like I'm in a different head space now, and that our interactions won't have the same negative results that they used to - seems I've let go of the hopes I'd held, and am now accepting things as they are without expectations. At least, that's how it feels at the moment. Who knows if that may change?
Regardless, it's been nice to connect again. She's moved (yet again) from Texas to Florida, and that move was a part of what brought about this desire to contact me. Part of me wonders if maybe I'm just a good stable person she needs/can rely on to help her through her transitions in life (this was the same situation with Viv). On the negative side of this, I kind of expect that once she settles into her new location/life, the messaging will taper off until it becomes years between messages again. If so, I'm ok with that too. I know that I can be helpful in that capacity; I sort of feel it's why I'm here on the planet. I guess if I can serve my purpose, that's good enough for me. If it becomes more than that (whether remaining good friends, or even growing into more again?) well, that's just a bonus.
A thought did strike me though... Is it me, or is it my location? Why is it that the only women I meet with whom I really feel I connect and would like to be involved with, always end up living thousands of miles away? *sigh*
5:45 p.m. - 2021-08-09
Recent entries:
Venting anger, and education/career education. - 2021-09-02
Expected but unwelcome. - 2021-08-29
Loss of a musical Legend. - 2021-08-24
Poor little buddy. - 2021-08-21
Group training again, and a long ride. - 2021-08-15
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