There are two things I've noticed recently. One stems from a conversation I had with Swordfern a while back regarding 'shoulds' vs 'wants'. Quite often in the past, I would do something I wanted to, and then beat myself up over doing it, when I 'should have' done something else. The 1st example I used was a silly one involving ice cream. I enjoy it, and I will sometimes buy it at the grocery store, but when it's gone, I tend to berate myself for eating it, telling myself I'm fat, saying that I should have skipped it & done a workout instead, etc. Basically, stealing my own enjoyment through a self-guilt-trip. I'm slowly learning to allow myself to do what I want (as long as it's not too unhealthy/dangerous) and not feel guilty about it. Going out for a beer is another. I enjoy both the beer, and the socializing that goes along with it, so why do I tell myself I'm (weak/stupid/a bad person/what-have-you) whenever I do so? I'm learning to allow that too, and I don't have to stick with a plan for exercise/workouts if I don't want to - I can just do what feels right at that time as well. This seems to have improved my mood, so maybe it's a good track to be on?
Another thing I've noticed (re-realized?) is that when I'm in pain (which is rather quite often), my mood is much worse, and I'm a lot more negative/irritable/discouraged. The last few weeks, I've been having both digestive and back issues which have led to my taking upwards of 2400mg of ibuprofen a day. I do try to minimize it, but sometimes it's so bad I can't focus on things (like at work) or I get really irritable/angry. Things are finally getting better in the last day or so, and I'm also starting to feel more positive, so I'm sure there's a direct relationship between the two. Just how to minimize my pain, I have no idea, because I've been living with it for decades. A couple things that might be improving the situation though, are that I may finally be getting my hip issue corrected (I'm sitting better & am able to ride the cycle longer with much less discomfort) and I'[m still losing weight (which can only help lessen the strain on my body. I've also shifted my work/sleep schedule, and that seems to have improved my sleep quality (even if it's only been a week so far).
Who knows if this will continue? I've felt good before and been slapped back down by life, so I'm not counting on anything, but it seems like this could be a good path to try to continue following...
1:37 p.m. - 2021-08-07
Recent entries:
Expected but unwelcome. - 2021-08-29
Loss of a musical Legend. - 2021-08-24
Poor little buddy. - 2021-08-21
Group training again, and a long ride. - 2021-08-15
Out of the blue - 2021-08-09
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