I forgot to post something earlier - I came to a realization Tuesday night when I was sitting in one of TC's breweries (1st one of the night, actually). In the past, I'd always figured that no matter where I went, I'd always end up with the same results if I were to go out socializing; after all, "no matter what you do, you'll never run away from you", but I recognized that I was actually a bit more outgoing and in a better mood than usual, which must have been due to being in a new place where people don't have any knowledge/preconceived notions of me.
At the time I thought, "maybe living somewhere else would change my life for the better?". I thought that maybe my rut was due to having lived in the same place all my life, and that all the locals I see constantly already have formed their opinion of me, so I'm kind of looked past/passed over when I go out here. Like, "Oh, it's that depressed guy again". I felt that if nobody knew me in a new place, that I could be anything, other than how I'm perceived here.
Unfortunately, by the end of the night, I wasn't so sure. I was out for a while, had a few beers, and the only person I talked with (other than wait staff) was a busker drumming with a 5-gallon plastic bucket downtown. He was a really cool guy and I enjoyed talking with him; so much so that I think I stayed there 20 minutes or more? Anyway, the point I was getting at is that, just like when I go out here, I typically start the night hopeful, but end it feeling disappointed/discouraged because I haven't met/talked with anyone (ok, mostly women). So now I wonder if I was right to think it could be different in a new town? After all, I'm me wherever I go, and "me" is just a depressed, lonely, isolated guy longing for connection. I imagine that shows through any facade I put on, so maybe my realization was a false one?
I don't know, was just something I wanted to get down before I forgot about it.
8:18 p.m. - 2020-09-03
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