I've randomly posted/deleted this song over the last few months, but this time I want to leave it up. It's from a relatively short movie (44min) called Hotarubi no mori e that caught me by surprise and became one of my favorites.
Every time I hear it, it reaches into my chest & squeezes the tears right out of my heart, but in a way that makes me long to feel that way about someone again; for a connection with someone that stirs up all of those long-buried emotions and makes me believe love still exists.I'm tired of living in this friendless, loveless vacuum of a life, but I'm so dead tired of trying to connect with people that I simply don't have the energy for it anymore. I keep hoping that some random event will allow me to cross paths with someone who'll change my life for the better, whether it be friend or lover, but it's hard to hold out hope after so many years. I realize that these feelings are probably just the result of returning from a stimulating environment to the same emptiness in which I've been existing for what feels like an eternity.
...
I'm watching a series now with a main character who's been misunderstood all her life (people are afraid of her) & is isolated/friendless because of it, but who is befriended by someone who sees through the false impression. This person's public gesture of friendship changes everyone's perception and brings into her life others who are caring, considerate, and who also become her friends, changing her entire life for the better. She has trouble accepting that it's real, but her new friends actually work to understand her and make her feel accepted and loved, and I so often find myself wishing that would happen for me; to feel wanted, accepted, reassured that I'm not some freak that nobody gets or wants to be around...
12:05 p.m. - 2020-09-05
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