Had drinks a few more days this week, and while I somewhat regret it, I think I definitely needed them, in order to stop myself from (further?) catastrophizing. I mean, I sort of did anyway, but I can tell myself that was a results of drinking, which is easier to dismiss. Had I had those thoughts sober, they likely would've hung on for months, as I'd have no logical reason to dismiss them.
Saw & spoke with Tay this weekend, when I went out for tea & to listen to some live music. Sat at the front counter this time & got to talk with her & her coworkers a bit more than normal, which was nice. They're all younger, but very friendly, and one of the girls started talking with me about motorcycles, as she's just gotten a dirt bike & wants to get a street bike soon. In the course of that discussion, I mentioned the old Vulcan I have in the garage (in pieces) and that I wanted to get rid of it. She thinks her boyfriend might be interested, so I'm going to get some pics & show her when I go back. It'd be nice to finally be rid of that, to regain some garage space.
Speaking of going back, while talking about the live music that was going on, Tay mentioned two things; 1) that this was her last week, then she's heading off to college, and 2) she plays baritone sax & will be joining in on this Wednesday's 'Jazz Jam', which is where people can bring their instruments & just play along if they want. She told me I should bring my guitar, and I've decided I will, though it'll likely stay out in the car, but who knows? I'm curious to see what kind of music scene it is, and how she plays. I also would like to talk with her at least once more before she leaves town.
I have to admit, talking with her does give me a bit of an ego boost & a small dose of self-confidence that I desperately need now. I'll be disappointed when she leaves, but part of me feels like a creep admitting that . I suppose, though, that age really isn't important when it comes to making friends, right? It's kind of funny, when it comes to people I enjoy socializing with, I've always been the kind of person who either likes much older people (like when I was younger, lots of knowledge/history) or younger ones (like now, lots of positive energy & enthusiasm). For some reason, my Gen-X cohorts just seem to turn me right off, connection-wise.
I've changed my meal planning starting today. taking less to work for breakfast & lunch, and trying to only eat when I'm hungry, (other than protein/carb shakes around workouts). I also finally made a pre-packaged 'korean barbeque' meal, which came with rice, seasonings, and sauce, I just had to add steak & red peppers. Turned out pretty well, and it also showed me how I might make my own similar dish in the future. I really need to learn more recipes!
Oh, I filled out the form for the hrt clinic & they got back to me with blood test options. I'll need to go over things with them 1st, but it's a start. I've also decided I'm not going to force myself to do workouts right now, but will do something when I feel up to it. When I tried at the beginning of the month, I was so sore after the 1st week that I had a lot of internal resistance to even wanting to do it more. Upper body workout one day, just deadlifts the next, and I was sore for almost a week & I'm just not mentally ready to be in constant pain again yet. I'm also going to try to limit my drinking to weekend out-of-town motorcycle rides for now, with the idea that I may end up quitting again in September (like I did before). Haven't decided yet, because i don't like the idea of never being able to have a beer again, but after this recent downturn, I think I might need some distance from it to put it in perspective again.
I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it now, so I'll stop.
7:12 p.m. - 2023-08-14
Recent entries:
Going Nowhere - 2023-08-26
Appointment made. - 2023-08-22
No motivation to write. - 2023-08-20
すべてのことを少しだけ - 2023-08-18
Unintentional persistance. - 2023-08-16
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email
Random
others:
strawberrri
narcissa
dangerspouse
alethia
bantenhut
jimbostaxi
warpednormal
simeons-twin
silver4
loveherwell
swordfern
misfitstray
elusive-you
comebacktome
linguafranca
catsoul
life-my-way
fairybones
annanotbob2
ahopeinhell
kelsi
stepfordtart