So, the thing with MP is over. We had a conversation on our last date about how we saw each other fitting into our lives, and whether to continue getting to know each other. I thought it went well, and she offered up the next Saturday (yesterday) as another date night opportunity, which was pretty soon, but welcome (I'd only previously seen her about once a month).
Anyway, she emailed me on Friday to say that she wasn't feeling as connected as she felt she should be by this point, and that between her busy schedule and the distance, I should probably find someone else to date. I wasn't surprised by this, because I'd already felt we were both being pretty cautious/reserved, and I wasn't feeling that connection either. I replied to her saying I understood, and that she was still welcome to contact me in the future, as I did enjoy her company & would be happy to have a new friend, but that I understood if she'd prefer a clean 'break'. I haven't heard back from her, so I assume the latter was the case.
I can't say I'm upset over not seeing her anymore (due to the lack of connection), but I'm fairly depressed again about my dating chances. The night before her email, I'd even disabled/hidden my dating site profiles again,as I was having no success finding anyone I thought was intriguing/attractive enough (to me) to message.
So, unless my memory is failing me, I've now had a total of three dates with only one person, over the course of the last 9 years (which is the last time I saw KW). Go on, tell me that's not discouraging...
Oh, and I finally sent CC a message saying that I won't be initiating contact with her again. I'd stumbled across her profile on a dating site, and clicked 'like' maybe a month ago, and also texted to let her know it was just me saying hello, and that I'd like to hear from her. Never did, obvs, so I sent the last message - she replied within a couple hours, explaining about a bunch of bad life situations she's in now (herself & family), that she'd left my message unread in an attempt to remind herself to reply, but never found the time. As with MP, I told her that she was welcome to message me any time, but that I wouldn't be initiating contact again. It felt good to finally express that, but it's also a bit isolating, and final.
Oh, and I texted with GRJ around the middle of last month, she said she missed talking with me (paraphrased), and that we should get together sometime. I told her I was on vacation during the 4th and to let me know when she was free. I contacted her at last weekend & asked what her schedule was like, she said that 'towards next Saturday' would be good, depending on (some things). I waited to hear from her, still haven't. If she doesn't contact me today, I'm going to tell her the same thing that I told CC.
I'm tired of feeling let down by people who claim they're my friend, especially by those I've dated & been close to, and am still on good terms with. Sometimes I really think that, while lonely, life would be so much easier without 'friends'.
8:47 a.m. - 2023-07-09
Recent entries:
Lost, but what's new? - 2023-07-14
Keep on keepin on. - 2023-07-10
Surrender. - 2023-07-09
Fed up with today. - 2023-07-09
Underlying issue? - 2023-07-09
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