I forgot to write about this earlier, but this is the 1st time I can recall that I really feel ready to not be working anymore. I can see myself being able to find things to do that are, at a minimum, satisfying. I can start to envision what I'll do with my time, once I don't need to work; a daily 'schedule', if you will. Many projects around the house, strength training, cold/hot therapy, book reading & drawing/sketching in the winter, guitar/singing, riding my cycle in the summer... I can imagine, once I'm feeling settled into that new schedule, having the energy to branch out & try new things, like the rock climbing gym downtown, or maybe visiting the Japanese Center on our local college campus to see if I can find anyone to chat with. I've even thought about taking guitar and voice lessons to improve at each. I don't know if I have the bandwidth to attempt these things while working full-time, though, as my time will be mostly occupied with the sauna/cold tub, strength training, and the motorcycle, as well as keeping up with my language lessons and getting back to the online computer language classes as well. Even if I don't have any friends, I think I can find things to do that will fully occupy my time, once I've gotten past the let-down & immediate feeling of isolation that will surely follow the end of my full-time career. I'm starting to look forward to it!
On another topic, I'm already starting to feel bummed out about being alone for NYE tonight. I'm still considering going out for a drink at some point, but will play it by ear. I expect I'll not be hearing from anyone, which is disappointing, but not a surprise. I'm just not the guy people think of when things are going well. I'm starting to accept that I'm only thought of when something traumatic/tumultuous is happening, because I tend to be good/helpful in those situations. I accept that as part of my purpose in life, but it's hard to believe that's my only reason for being, you know? Maybe it is, though, because I haven't seen any signs of other reasons. I'm wondering if maybe I need to accept that the best I'll ever manage is contentment in life, but never happiness.
Regardless, I hope that, whatever I decide to do tonight, it's something that I'm ultimately ok with & won't regret later.
3:45 p.m. - 2022-12-31
Recent entries:
1st ride of 2023, NYE, new work schedule, and catching up. - 2023-01-01
Better than expected. - 2023-01-01
Reflections. - 2023-01-01
NYE plans. - 2022-12-31
Year in review - 2022. - 2022-12-31
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