Stumbled upon this article today & felt it worth sharing, even if only for myself, so I can review it in the future. (Btw, I looked through some of the other articles, and there's a lot of interesting ones you may want to look at).
Anyway, I cut off contact with both my mother & sister a couple years ago (I think?), but have been recently questioning how long I should maintain that.I've done so at least 3 times in the past that I can recall, each for no less than a year, one for maybe 3-5 years.
Each time, I felt much better having no contact with them. There was no anxiety about having to interact with them, and I started to actually feel better about myself, who I was & how I live my life. But after a while, I'd always think I should give them another chance (because they're 'family'), and I'd allow them back into my life, Things would be ok for a while, but the behavior that I'd asked them to change always came back rather quickly, and I was left having to be patient/tolerant of it in order to try to maintain the relationship. This last, most recent time, I'd decided there would be no more chances. I'd clearly spelled out which behaviors were unacceptable to me, but they were either unwilling, or unable to change, and since you can't force people to change if they don't want to, I chose to remove them from my life.
I still feel guilty about it, and I still am second-guessing myself, but honestly, I've felt so much better since I 'put my foot down', that I do think it was the right choice. I don't think my sister will be/is too broken up about it, but I'm sure it's causing my ma a lot of emotional pain. I don't know what else to do though - I've given them many chances through the years, and I'm just done with it now.
Two sections in this article that struck me the most (because they directly relate to my situation) were these:
1) You might find that your parent isn’t able to provide the relationship you want. Their behavior may not be intentional, but you don’t have to accept poor treatment or abuse just because someone has the label “mom” or “dad.”
2) “If you’ve clearly requested that your parent stops a particular behavior, and they don’t stop or change the behavior, then consider doing what you need to do to take care of yourself,” says Lev.
3) “Consider going no contact with a parent if your interactions with your parent are undermining your self-esteem, self-respect, choices, decisions, and/or relationships,” says Avigail Lev, PsyD, a clinical psychologist based in San Francisco.
Has anyone else gone through this kind of thing with a relative? I mean, it's easier to do when it's a 'friend' who's behavior is unacceptable, but there's a big social stigma around it when it's a relative, especially a parent. Would love to hear others' input, if you have any.
9:45 a.m. - 2021-12-25
Recent entries:
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Year in review - 2021. - 2021-12-31
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Cold tub treatment and another dip. - 2021-12-29
Cold tub sanitizing & back improvement. - 2021-12-29
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