I've been experimenting with my diet over the last few months, and everything seems to be pointing at eliminating a couplefew things I really (used to?) enjoy. I think the problem I'm having is one of inflammation, so I'd decided that, starting on the 1st, I was going to cut out any high-sugar content foods, and also alcohol, in addition to having already eliminated wheat products.
I'll try it for a month, and if I feel better physically, I'll be somewhat relieved, yet very sad. I'm sure I'll get over the 'sweets' issue eventually (and sure, I can indulge every so often), but not drinking (while not difficult itself) is going to be an issue eventually due to those types of places currently being my only means of socialization. Right now, it won't be so hard because most of the people in my town are idiots who refuse to wear a mask. With this city having the highest Covid infection rate increase in the state, I've already decided to stop going out. I know it's going to be difficult mentally, but also knowing that even when things get better, I won't be going back out much? That's discouraging.
I'm on a 4-day break, having taken a vacation day on this coming Tuesday, but as always, I have nothing to do beyond household chores or riding in hours-long circles without stopping off anywhere. Or, I suppose, exercise, but that can only take up so much time... I'm feeling defeated again, which means I have no motivation to do anything I apparently used to enjoy.
I'm also not hearing from anyone I know, like Viv or GRJ, or any of the few others I'd like to talk with, and in my current mood, I don't want to reach out either, because who wants to talk with a grumpy bastard? (To be fair, I have reached out to a couple people, but only gotten short, one-line replies, which tells me they're not interested/up for chatting now). I have written to a couple more women on the dating site too, but again, no replies. I want to delete (or at least hide) my profiles, but in a way, it's providing the only lifeline I feel I have. At least when I'm on there, I feel like I'm doing something about my solitary situation (even if I'm really not).
Sometimes I feel like all I really need is one good friend to 'get the ball rolling' so to speak. Someone with whom I could hang out regularly. Like, maybe then I could meet other people, make new friends, etc? Aside from the few women I've dated though, I haven't had a good friend like that since high school (and he turned out to not actually have been a friend), and if I haven't learned how to meet one by now, I'm completely at a loss as to how to do so going forward. It really is enough to make me want to give up on it all. Like, once I stop working, maybe I'll just sell the house & all my stuff, get a PO box, and become an invisible nomad. It'd be easier to pretend that that reason I never hear from anyone is because I'm in the wind, rather than believing I'm someone nobody wants to talk to/be around...
9:35 a.m. - 2021-09-04
Recent entries:
New definition of an old problem. - 2021-10-18
Partial update. - 2021-10-10
Somewhat positive update. - 2021-10-08
"No news is good news." - 2021-09-18
... - 2021-09-06
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