So there's a lot more to the coffee shop going out of business, but they're going to continue small-batch roasting, which means I don't have to find a new source. They'd been considering closing for several months, but have been waiting to see how business turned out. There also was an incident with the company they were sharing a workspace with, and hearing that story has shaken me up quite a bit.
The Wolf, as I've referred to it in the past, was run by a husband & wife team (in case it's not clear, I'm not referring to my friends, but the family they co-ran their business with). They have three (maybe four?) kids, all in single digits - from the outside, they were the stereotypical picture of a happy family. A few days before the Thanksgiving holiday, the wife disappeared. The police were called, and after searching for several hours, she was found - she'd taken her own life. When I was told about this, I was stunned, and had no idea what to say, still don't. I can't even imagine what she was going through, or what he & the kids are now going through, and I'm at a loss for how to feel/act. I didn't really know them well, but felt like I did due to being in the shop so frequently.
Being told something like this, when it relates to someone I know, always tends to bring me back to the phone call I got about my father on Easter. It always seems to be around the holidays, doesn't it? I remember everything about how I felt, both mentally and physically, and times like these are when I really wish I wasn't such an empath. I've been physically cold since I heard, and while part of me wants to reach out to some of the people I miss, another part doesn't think I should. I both want to connect with people right now, and I also want to be alone & avoid everyone. I don't know what to do with myself.
This would be the perfect time to go out drinking, but I physically can't do that anymore, so I guess I'm going to try to find some non-serious shit to watch online in the hopes that it will distract me long enough for my emotions to self-regulate.
I wish I had just one friend from whom I could get a hug & some words of encouragement that no, it won't be me one of these days. Because sometimes, I fear it will. I mean, if someone who had so much going for them can go out that way, why the fuck am I even still around?
2:27 p.m. - 2023-12-05
Recent entries:
Moving on. - 2024-01-01
X-mas. can. suck. it. - 2023-12-24
Here comes that rainy day feeling again... - 2023-12-24
上を向いて歩こう (I Look Up as I Walk) - 2023-12-13
Edited. - 2023-12-07
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