So after re-reading this a few times, I can't seem to get it to not come across as awkward, nor can I adequately explain what I'm trying to say, but I'm going to post it for now. I may delete it soon, if I feel I can reword it better, and maybe re-post it then.
I've noticed something tonight about the type of women I find attractive (this thought came to be while considering the new tv actress-crush I have - Aleyse Shannon from Leverage, although I've always had a crush on Beth, the 'Parker' character). While I've dated many types of women, my preference tends to be more towards the shorter/smaller end of the spectrum. I've also noticed that a lot of my attraction recently has been related to presentation, and unfortunately, that seems to have become 'age-inappropriate' as far as most of 'society' is concerned. Most of the enjoyable conversations/interactions I've had, and the women with whom I most connect, identify with, and find the most common ground with politically, socially, and health-wise, tend to be Millenials, and it seems to be the opposite with women more my age (Gen X), which means I've begun to associate the younger and/or alternative lifestyle women (or anyone, really, who doesn't reflect a stereotypical societal norm) I see with those more enjoyable interactions.
I realize this has made it so that I tend to find myself drawn to younger women (which, I suppose, could also be partly due to the positive experience I had dating Viv as well), which is ok to an extent, but makes me feel a bit uncomfortable (judged, maybe?) and self-conscious at times. I'm not really sure why I'm writing about this, other than the thought that I wonder if it's becoming (has become?) a problem for me regarding dating /dating apps. I've had some women show interest, but the few who don't have glaring deal-breakers, I just don't find interesting or have any chemistry with (like my most recent 'date').
I'm getting to the point now where I should likely just be glad anyone finds me interesting, but that's how I approached dating in my youth, and it was miserable because I ended up with women I should never have dated (or married! ugh...). With each year that goes by, the odds of my meeting someone 'right' for me get smaller, and I wonder if I might be better off just accepting that i should settle, rather than remain alone indefinitely.
Then I think, that's not really fair to her, is it? And again, I realize I just don't know what to do.
By the way, I'm on vacation now, until January 3rd. Covid is rampant in my state, and it makes wanting to travel or socialize much less appealing than it otherwise might be. Yet another year that I don't know what to do with myself during this time off...
7:48 p.m. - 2021-11-12
Recent entries:
Never comes the day - 2021-11-18
Pseudo-life. - 2021-11-16
Brain dump. - 2021-11-15
Back to running, and a wish to meet someone. - 2021-11-14
Wide awake, and 1st snow. - 2021-11-13
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