Had a meeting with my boss and the manager from another department (per my request to have a 3rd party present) about the situation surrounding (and including) the argument we had the other day.
I have zero energy to get into details, but my anxiety was so high that at times both my voice and my hands were trembling. When I got home, I immediately made myself a drink & sat down on the futon to get online, but was unable to.
Not because of any internet problem, but because I had to close my eyes, as the room felt wobbly & my hands started to tremble again, and I found myself fighting back tears. I'm so tired of being here and feeling like there isn't a single person on my side, like I'm struggling & fighting against the entire world on my own.
There are times when I think I'd just rather not be here, than be here alone for the rest of my life. It's overly dramatic, but it's how I feel. Right now, I honestly feel like I'm going to be alone forever. And typing that made me cry.
I suck.
4:10 p.m. - 2020-07-24
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