Trying to convince myself to go out tonight, by replying 'going' to a local musician-friend's gig announcement on facespace. He didn't invite me personally, but I was on the mass-invite he sent to his (rather large) friends list. I won't even head out for almost another two hours, which is when I'm usually thinking about heading to bed, but still, I'm going to try. Depending on how crowded it is, I may not stay (it's really awkward to be the only person in a large group still wearing a mask).
Ugh. The more I think about hanging out with a ton of unmasked, laughing, drunk people, the less I want to go. My musician-friend DJ is playing at MJ's coffee shop tomorrow @ 11a for small business Saturday, and I plan on going to that as well. It'll be a lot less crowded, but still, nobody will be masking.
I used to just find crowds annoying; something to put up with in order to socialize - I'm realizing now that I'm actually a bit afraid? of being around people for fear of catching a disease that, while unlikely, could possibly permanently damage, or kill me. I guess this is just another trauma I'll have to learn to live with. Being alone really seems to amplify all of my worries, but especially, it seems, anxiety about Covid. I mean, If I died this weekend, they wouldn't find my body for another 6 weeks - that's how alone I am.
Anyway, guess I'll post this for now, even though I'll likely delete it in shame later. I should find something to eat before I go.
6:00 p.m. - 2022-11-25
Recent entries:
Flip-side - 2022-12-11
Nobody's real. - 2022-12-09
People in this town disgust me. - 2022-12-06
Logic vs. Fear - 2022-11-26
Misfit. - 2022-11-25
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