I guess one of the good things about being me is that, with the decades of experience I have with not understanding life, I've become very adept at burying/suppressing those things I don't understand, in order to get on with life.
Even though it felt like the very last thing I wanted to do yesterday, I got a workout in. It wasn't a great one, and I ended up cutting it short, but I felt better afterwards. I'm glad to know this, because I was really concerned that I was going to bail on it again, just like every other time I've started to feel my depression acting up.
The situation is different his time though,as it feels like there's a lot more uncertainty in my life. I've let go of my 'security blanket' friends (Viv, GRJ, CC, some of the 'bar people'), which means I'm now alone by my own actions, which is something relatively new for me. My job / career is in limbo, as I don't know whether I'll actually go through with making a move 'for the better' or if I'll just stay in my comfort zone & accept that my work / financial situation will only get worse over time. I won't even get into how much of a hit my 'retirement' savings has taken recently, but I'm down over 5 years' worth of living expenses, which makes me feel rather hopeless about ever being free to just leave, to 'run away'.
I actually think that's what I'll end up doing eventually (if I live long enough). I'll buy a little place with some land & storage here in my home state where nobody knows me, without telling anyone where I'm going, and then I'll lose myself in travel to towns/states/foreign countries I've never been to, for as long as my passport, finances & health will allow.
It just seems like being a nobody & getting lost in places where nobody knows me will feel much better than being a nobody in a place where hundreds of people (or more) know me but don't seem to care.
8:26 a.m. - 2022-02-27
Recent entries:
Just... why? - 2022-03-09
Differences. - 2022-03-05
Putting the pieces together. - 2022-03-04
Reminder. - 2022-03-01
Not worth the time. - 2022-02-27
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email
Random
others:
misfitstray
warpednormal
silver4
comebacktome
elusive-you
linguafranca
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
life-my-way
fairybones
annanotbob2
swordfern
kelsi
ahopeinhell
stepfordtart
simeons-twin
bantenhut