I have trouble with change. When I start to see something a certain way, it's hard for me to find another way of considering things. This is especially difficult if I have no one with whom to speak, to bounce ideas off, which has been the case for the last several years. I've been fortunate recently to have someone with whom I can do this, and it's been immensely helpful.
Unfortunately, ingrained thought patterns are hard to re-pattern. I want to be hopeful; I want to be an optimist, but I'm stuck on the low end of 'realist' territory (bordering on pessimist) and it's really hard to see a path to where/how I'd like to be. All I tend to see are difficulties and obstacles in every issue. I feel pretty upbeat/positive after our conversations, but it tends not to 'stick', if you know what I mean. Some days are better than others; some days, not so much.
Fortunately, I've managed to change my viewpoint on one important thing, but the different stance has left me feeling the way I have for the past several years; low on hope, and resigned to the way things are. It's not a pleasant prospect, but I'm healthy, and able, and financially stable, so I've nothing about which to really complain.
So, how do I get beyond this interminable sadness?
10:27 p.m. - 2019-04-21
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