I found an interesting article from a link in a 'Wait but Why?' article I read a few months ago and subsequently forgot about (Wait but Why has some fantastic reads, check it out!). It's about the difficulty in making friends after 30.
One of the things that stood out to me was the mention of the three things that "sociologists say are crucial to making close friends; proximity, repeated, unplanned interactions, and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down & confide in each other". It also mentions that "this is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college".
This likely explains why I never made any real friends. I had one best friend growing up. From the time we were 4-5 yrs old, all the way through high school. Once we were in high school, we hung out every weekend, all weekend. (I was quite an outcast in high school, and never hung out with anyone else; it was either him, or I was by myself.) I'd usually end up crashing on the couch at his place every Saturday night; His mom thought of me as an adopted son. Anyway, I'm getting off-track. Point is, he was the only real friend I had. I knew other people, but not enough to hang out, even for an hour.
I'm sure I've told this story before, so I'll keep it brief. Eventually, I came to the realization that the only time I talked to him was when I contacted him, and one day I'd had enough. I decided that I wasn't going to talk to him again until he contacted me. He never did. I ran into him at a gas station several years later, and we were polite, but it was obvious he had no interest in catching up, so I just let it go.
Anyway, I never went to college, and I think that, even though I went on to eventually have a successful career (and have continued my education informally), I missed out on a lot of life-experience, mostly on learning how to interact with people & make friends. And now, reading about how proximity & repeated, unplanned interactions seem to be a big part of friend-making, I understand why I'm having such a hard time of it. Most all of the activities I enjoy doing are, by their nature, solo endeavors (aside from going to bars, which explains all the acquaintances I have). Combine that with an unreasonable social anxiety and it's no wonder I don't have any close friends.
I do seem to be on an upward trajectory recently though, and hopefully this will continue. It's nice to feel a little positivity again!
3:53 p.m. - 2019-01-13
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