Who am I?
I could describe what I do for work, how long I've been in the field, but is that who I am? I could talk about how much I enjoy live music when I'm feeling good, or how big of a life-long impact depression has had on me, but again, does that define me? True, it describes me, but only parts of me. The same could be said for my social anxiety/awkwardness, or my belief that I fall somewhere on the autism spectrum, or that I likely have ADD/ADHD issues**, or even that the only place I've ever really felt at home is on my cycle, on the road.
I don't have a clearly defined idea of who I am. Is this typical? Or is it because I don't fit neatly into one category or another? Or because I'm actually nobody/everybody? (Does that even make sense?)
People tend to be happy when they have a sense of purpose, when they know who they are/why they're here/what they're doing. I assume the opposite is why I'm not happy. I focus on my loneliness as the reason I'm not, but I wonder... Even if I found someone, would I be happy then? And what about when it ends, if it does? Would my "happiness" leave at the same time? I've asked this before, but can people be truly happy on their own? I'm sure a rare few can, but what about for the most part? I mean, how can a person be happy when the only thing they find meaning in is having someone with whom they can share life? As Leonard's Mother said on the B1g Bang Th3ory, Penny suffered from an "external locus of identity", and I think that most people do, myself included. How does one go about changing the external to the internal? I can't imagine that ever happening for me, and I guess that's the ultimate issue...
**I just spent a few minutes reading up on it, and yeah, adult ADD/ADHD is definitely applicable, especially 3, 7, 10, 12, 13, 14, 18, 22, 24, 26, 27, and 29 here.
p.s. "a few minutes" just turned into an hour reading up on adult ADD/ADHD. Yes, I'm at work. No, I didn't do much work in the last hour. ADDsezwut?
6:30 p.m. - 2014-11-11
My profile
Archives
Notes
Email Me!
Random
others:
loveherwell
dangerspouse
catsoul
alethia
annanotbob2
life-my-way
fairybones
misfitstray
swordfern
warpednormal
elusive-you
lust-
comebacktome
ahopeinhell
silver4
kelsi
stepfordtart