I'm kind of still in a daze. I have no idea what to do now. I want to know that she's ok, I want to talk to her again, but maybe that's the last thing she wants, or needs. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I don't know her family, and I doubt they're going to let her have her phone, so I can't text her. I don't know anything about the town she's from, or what the hospitals are, and since I'm not even family, I don't think they'd give me any info anyway.
I don't want to abandon her, but maybe it would be better for her healing if I'm not around? Fuck, I just don't know what to do. All I really want to do is run away, mentally or physically.
I'm supposed to see GRJ tonight, but I don't know how I can. How do I possibly socialize with this on my mind? And I kind of want to tell her about it, because she's probably one of the only people I could turn to for support, but she's having a hell of a time right now as it is, and the last thing she needs is another thing to worry/be concerned about.
I've never been this close to/involved in a suicide attempt before - I've had friend/family who've done it, but I found out after the fact and they were already gone. I keep running through my mind, all of the things I could have done differently, things I might have said that could have changed things...
Fuck. I don't even know if she's still alive. I hope I called in time...
11:27 a.m. - 2014-10-05
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