Don't think I'm going to any "bike nights" anymore. They're just not my "people". I need to find an all-new group of friends - ones that aren't interested in, or base their socializing around, bars & drinking. I get carried away, and end up drinking myself, and typically much more than is healthy for me. I mean, I have fun while I'm out doing that, but it's not worth it physically, or financially. I don't want to do that anymore, but I'm not sure how to go about making new friends/meeting new people, as I don't really have any group-type hobbies/interests.
I'm even a little turned off of the music scene too. Although I dig good music, and every band with whom I'm friends is a great band, it's still a bar/drinks-based activity, and I'm tired of it. So, let's say I stop going to shows, going to bike night, etc. Wtf else can I do? There's only so much running/biking/weight lifting/motorcycle riding one can do, and those are all solitary activities. I've found that (unless I'm super-depressed) I can't take much more than a month or so of isolation like that. A month is a good start, but what then? For years, I've been thinking about joining the rock-climbing gym downtown, and although it sounds like fun, it would, again, be something I'd be doing solo. I guess I might meet people that way? Maybe I need to look into taking a class on something? No idea what, but there has to be something else to do in this town. If I had friends close-by, I'd just ride out to visit one of them every weekend - even that would be enough to keep me from feeling so alone.
Is that normal, to feel so alone when you know so many people; people who call you "friend"? Or is it the product of a broken mind? Is that the reason I so rarely feel close to anyone; because I'm broken? I don't know. All I know is we're all supposed to be connected; we're all from the same source; we're all actually one. Except me, for some reason!?
Maybe if I ignore my mind for long enough, it'll go away.
P.S. I did solicit some advice from a gal at bike night about a thought I had to "approach" the sandwich shop girl. She seemed to think it would be fine (even a bit cute/romantic, I think she said!?). I'm trying to gather my courage to do it, but I'll need to be in a very confident, outgoing mood, so I'll have to play it by ear, so to speak, as to when I actually will go through with it. And no, I'm not going to say what it is - I know that if I do, I'll then be worried about what other people think about it, and it will distract me, make me 2nd-guess myself too much. If/when I go through with it, I'll write about what happens.
I hope I can do this.
11:18 a.m. - 2014-07-04
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