Although I still really like to see live music, I'm finding that without a few drinks, my night is nowhere near as fun. I'm getting better at talking with people without drinking, but I still feel awkward and out-of-place. I went to two shows last night, because I told people I would (and I've been feeling too isolated), and yes, the bands were great, but I left each venue earlier than I normally would have, and headed home early as well (ok, "early" is relative - it was about 1am). I wanted to invite people to join me, but there's no one to invite. Ugh, fuck it, nevermind - next topic.
Have I mentioned yet that I'm adopted? I bring it up because something interesting has happened; first, some background. Adoptions in this state have always been anonymous. The adoptive parents aren't allowed to know the biological parents' names, history, or anything like that. My ma, however, during one of the office visits before my adoption was approved, snuck a glance at my file and saw/remembered the names of my birth parents. I've used this in the past to get more information from the courts about them. (Actually, I pulled a fast one on the case worker I was talking to - I'd been asking for info about them for a while,without much success. After several months of not contacting him, I called back and told him that I knew their names. He acted quite surprised and asked me how I knew that, and I told him, "I thought you gave the names to me!?". Well, he said that since I already knew them, he'd go ahead and give me some more personal information, their background, family history, etc. which he did. Pretty sneaky, yes?!) Anyway, through a random conversation with her hairdresser, my ma discovered that she knew a guy that might have been my bio dad's brother (unfortunately, it seems that the guy who might have been my dad has passed on). Apparently, she's talked with the brother a bit, informed him about me, and they're all going to be at a party for her hairdresser's b-day. My ma wants me to go & meet the brother. At first, I was concerned that it would be awkward (didn't know at the time, she'd already told him about me), but realized that if he knows, it should be fine. I'm still debating whether or not to meet him. Honestly, I don't see why I should; I've never felt like anything was missing from my life, I don't have some massive need to know my bio parents (I think my ma wants to know them a lot more than I do), but on the other hand, it might be interesting. I've always thought that one day, I may just hire a PI to track them down, but it's never been a serious thing.
So, what do you guys think? Should I go? What can you see being the pros & cons about the situation? I wouldn't say I'm torn on the topic, because that would imply that it's important to me, and it's really not a big deal whether I ever meet any of them, but what are the chances that this turn of events would happen to allow this meeting? Maybe I'm supposed to go? I don't know.
P.S. I'm beginning to chicken out on my commitment to play an open mic night. Every song I play sounds stupid & cheesy. I hooked up a vocal mic the other night through a practice guitar amp & hearing my voice through it makes me realize how shitty I sound. Who knows, maybe I'd sound better through the proper equipment, with a little reverb, etc, but I'm feeling pretty self-conscious about it now.
11:10 a.m. - 2014-01-12
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