jarofporter's Diaryland Diary

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Reminders

Just came back from lunch w/Viv. It was ok, good to talk again, but all the way home, all I wanted to do was stop somewhere & start drinking. Like, I wanted that to be the entirety of the rest of my night (still do, tbh). I made it home though, and am now finishing my lunch, having some coffee, and looking for something (anything) online to distract me.

I'll be having lunch with a local casual friend tomorrow, but I'm starting to think I shouldn't be doing this. Even though I want to have friends, socializing with people with whom I feel no connection is disheartening, and likely worse for me than sitting home alone is.

T-day will be spent with my Ma/G'ma & a few of my ma's friends - another group of people with whom I feel no connection. I know that's a terrible thing for me to say about my family, but it's honest; I don't feel connected to any of them (except one, and thankfully, I no longer see that person). The next week is a solid seven days of *nothing*. No plans, no friends, no goals, no point. Maybe I'll go to the park downtown & see how long I can sit on a bench before my extremities go numb & I have to go home again.

I shouldn't have met with Viv. Apparently, the last thing I needed was a reminder of what I'm missing.

2:22 p.m. - 2018-11-20

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